Posts Tagged ‘Complex Grief’


My heading really says it all. Living in the NOW doesn’t mean I can or want to do away with memory…or even anticipation…but it does mean, to me, not carrying over old emotional baggage that destroys this now.

It, of course, means being conscious of what that baggage is. Anticipating the negative is a carry-over and makes this now bleak and fearful.

We’re all human. So what else is new? (Ooops, that remark lost me a longtime friend). Our own self-interest is primary…even when we are extremely altruistic and seemingly selfless. So that the love I give and love I receive are both life-preservers.

The recent death of my much-loved daughter has challenged me in many ways to practice what I preach. I do grieve for the shut down of her accomplished and much appreciated life. She deserved many more than her 63 years. My emotions fluctuate from feeling unnerved to feeling sad to feeling calm. Those are my NOW…but I know (anticipate) that these emotions will level off, despite the continuing sadness…and that helps my moment.

In relation to that, there are lines which have stayed with me for many, many years and speak to this very subject:

“Life gives us moments, and for
these moments we give our lives.”

The most imprtant, and often difficult trick, is to experience fully those moments we are given…without contamination. Yes, the contamination can be the moment itself, because it’s a lived experience, but it destroys the gift. I refuse to give over to that destruction…for myself, and for those who love and care for me…or even for the world at large


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